Phoenix drivers, we need to have a chat

Phoenix drivers, we need to have a chat

Phoenix freeway traffic_1394833735165_3442544_ver1.0_640_480

Look, I get it. It’s hot enough to fry an egg on the hood of your car. I’m assuming the heat is doing the same thing to your brain, because there is no other explanation for the way you’ve been driving. Between you and the snowbirds, I’m surprised someone hasn’t decided to just start popping rounds off from an overpass. I’m sure a few have entertained the idea at the very least. Because your driving would infuriate Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and the Dalai Lama.

I have to say, I’m impressed. The level of don’t give a fuck from you people is downright spectacular when its not pissing me off to no end. It doesn’t matter how close I get, how much I honk, or how many times I flash my high beams, your absolute refusal to obey the most basic traffic laws would be downright spectacular if it wasn’t so infuriating. Your dedication to making everyone around you just as miserable as you are is something to be commended. I wish I had that level of stubborn running through my veins.

All sarcasm aside, move the fuck over. The left lane is for PASSING. If you are not passing and you are in the left lane, YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW, not to mention pissing everyone else off and creating a far more dangerous situation than you are attempting to prevent. It is not your job to slow people down. That is what the police are for, they are there to enforce traffic laws. Let them do their job, and move the fuck over. Intentionally pacing the cars to your right so people can’t get around you earns you your own circle in hell, and trust me when I say it’s a lot hotter there than it is here. I know that’s hard to believe, especially after the weather we’ve had this week, but trust me on that one.

Don’t believe me when I say you’re creating a far more dangerous situation than you’re attempting to prevent? Let me explain what happens in the brain of the drivers behind you. All they see is some asshole with a sense of superiority preventing them from going the speed they want to go. They don’t think oh maybe I should slow down. The heat is frying their brain too, and regardless of how fast they are going, they are in the right legally. All you are doing is pissing them off for no good reason. So then, instead of paying attention to everything going on around them, they are laser focused on getting around you, which means they are distracted, creating dangerous situation # 1.

Dangerous situation # 2 comes into play when there is a break traffic three lanes over, so they fly across traffic, get into the lane that is clear, then go EVEN FASTER to pass the traffic in time to get around you before they hit the next wave of traffic. This is dangerous on several levels. First off, merging in traffic is naturally a dangerous situation because it forces you to interact with other drivers, potentially creating a situation where one person doesn’t see another person merging and they merge on top of each other. Assuming they make it to their desired lane without incident (which is by no means guaranteed), they then speed up to pass the traffic to their left (you know, the PASSING LANE), going even faster than even they want to, all to get around YOU. So now, not only are they going even faster, they are speeding in slower moving traffic. And then they fly across traffic AGAIN, putting themselves and a bunch of other people in danger, to get back into the lane that is dedicated for PASSING, all because you can’t move the fuck over.

All this could be avoided if you just got over, which is drastically less dangerous than forcing people to go around you, which they will do eventually. And even if they avoid an accident, it is still illegal for you to be in the left lane and you can be cited for it if a police officer sees you pulling that shit. Most officers I’ve spoken with have said that if they see someone doing this, they’re more likely to pull over the slow driver because they are the ones creating an even more dangerous situation. So get off your fucking high horse and move the fuck over.

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