What makes a mom

What makes a mom

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This image has been blowing up all over FaceBook, sparking a debate about women who, either by choice or out of necessity, have a c-section. I’d like to go ahead and add my voice to the cacophony for a brief moment. Two things have been floating around about women who have c-sections, that either a) they are less of a mother because they had a c-section, or b) they didn’t actually give birth because they had a c-section.

To the people who say these things, I have this to say: FUCK YOU. How DARE you. You are a despicable human being, and I hope you’re never faced with choosing between saving yourself/your baby and not having a c-section, because then maybe you’ll have to admit just how horribly you treated someone who made one of the most difficult choices she’s ever had to make, at one of the most stressful times of her life, all the while knowing people like you exist.

You don’t say those things because that is how you really feel, or maybe you do. But that isn’t the reason. The reason is you are intentionally dragging someone down to build yourself back up. You thrive off the pain and suffering of other human beings, because there is no point to saying something like that, other than to hurt someone, to cause them PAIN. This makes you lower than dirt in my book. You disgust me, and millions of other people.

It doesn’t matter why she had a c-section. In fact, it’s none of your damn business. None. That is between a woman and her doctor, no one else. You have no room, no right, to judge. This is not a topic that is up for discussion or ridicule. Ever. There are no excuses for your behavior, other than you’re a shitty human being who thrives off other people’s pain. And if someone trusts you enough to disclose those reasons to you, you STILL don’t get to judge them. You get to say you’re proud of them for making the decision that is right for them and their baby. That is all you get to say, nothing else. Keep your judgment to yourself, there’s no need for it.

The politics and judgment that surround c-sections is irrelevant in a discussion with someone who already had a c-section or has made the decision to have one. It’s a moot point, and all you are doing is dragging someone down for your own pleasure and benefit. You have no idea why she has chosen to have one, and it’s not okay to judge someone over something so decidedly personal. No excuses, full stop, YOU DON’T GET TO JUDGE PEOPLE for a deeply personal decision.

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2 thoughts on “What makes a mom

  1. I hope to never have a C-section…because I am a whimp. Sean watched this video a month or so ago and one of the guys recounted being in the OR during his wife’s C-section. I didn’t make far enough with my nursing classes yet to know this little gem, but apparently, they must remove your intestines to get to the uterus and baby. *shiver* No. Just no. That makes my skin crawl in a big, big way. Not to mention all the pain and longer healing time associated with a C-section. Any woman who goes through all of that deserves some serious respect. Doubly so considering that while some are scheduled, many are not. Many suffered through hours of labor just to be told that, for one reason or another, they then had to have one. I know I’m jinx’ing the hell out of myself right now, but…I’d be mad.

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    1. My mom was in labor with me for 37 1/2 hours before she had to have an emergency c-section. My heart had stopped twice, the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, and the nurse had told my mom to start pushing before she was fully dilated, which bruised her cervix and made it impossible for her to give birth naturally to both of my brothers. If she didn’t have a c-section, I would have died. As it was, I came out purple and not breathing, and it took them over 5 minutes to get me to start breathing. Needless to say, I take comments like this incredibly personally.

      For me personally, I hope I don’t have to have a c-section, mostly for the reasons you list. I’m a wimp when it comes to pain, and I know for some women, pain from a c-section can last for months as opposed to weeks for a vaginal delivery, not to mention the lengthened healing time. But if it comes down to one or either of us losing our lives, I’ll have a c-section in a heart beat, no question. And if anyone gives me grief for it, I’ll have no problem with never speaking to them again. I refuse to be shamed for protecting my life and the life of my baby.

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